![]() 12/23/2014 at 09:37 • Filed to: SANTA | ![]() | ![]() |
Good morning fellow readers and contributors of the Oppositelock web blog.
As you may know, Christmas is just around the corner and Santa Claus is about to embark in a journey of gift delivery. He will need lots of cargo space, speed, comfort and range. Range is important because Santa can't waste too much time refueling, so range is very important, more than MPG. Basically, we're looking at 3 things.
1 - Huge trunk
2- Huge fuel tank
3 - Huge engine
Let's see what we have.
10 - BMW 5GT
With the rear seats folded, this beast can swallow an immense load of gifts, and the 3.0L Diesel engine will provide all the necessary torque to pull that shit.
9- Porsche Panamera
Another great German hunchback with a Diesel engine, same qualities as the 5Gt but with added sex appeal.
8- Tesla Model S
Thanks to Elton Musk's new battery swap stations, Santa won't have to worry about range. This big torquey hatchback comes with a trunk and a frunk .
5- Buick Roadmaster Wagon
Big trunk, big engine, big fuel tank. 'Nuff said.
4- Hennessy VelociRaptor
With a vehicle like this, needless to say that Santa will go to bed early !
3- Ford E350 SuperDuty V10 Triton
A picture is worth a thousand words.
2- Mercury Marauder
The Panther is well known for its reliability, its good MPG ratings, its performances and its huge trunk. It checks all the boxes. The Marauder is all that, but with more quickness.
1- YOU DECIDE !
Submit your best car for Santa Claus below in the comment, the winner will be revealed this afternoon.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 09:43 |
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Audi RS6
600HP
Quattro
Estate
And 30 MPG.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 09:43 |
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MB E63 AMG Estate.. Hands down..
Fast, ample space, comfy.. did I mention fast?
![]() 12/23/2014 at 09:44 |
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But what about the range ?
![]() 12/23/2014 at 09:44 |
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Great pick.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 09:45 |
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![]() 12/23/2014 at 09:47 |
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An AM General, of course.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 09:47 |
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15/21mpg.. 21 gallon tank..
![]() 12/23/2014 at 09:48 |
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![]() 12/23/2014 at 09:48 |
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North Pole tested - passed with flying colours.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 09:48 |
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Santa needs to get around the entire world in one night, he's got no time for messing around.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 09:49 |
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I've had the honor task of dressing up as Santa for our company's family christmas party since 2011 and I drive a Volvo V70 XC. I think Santa should rock a 190-horse turbo sleigh.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 09:49 |
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Mother of God
![]() 12/23/2014 at 09:50 |
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Reminds me of this
![]() 12/23/2014 at 09:52 |
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I'd say grip might be an issue, but if the fat bastard can use magic to go down a chiminey he can use magic to find grip in the ice and snow for this!
![]() 12/23/2014 at 10:08 |
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True, Santa would probably drive a Volvo, or a Saab.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 10:10 |
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BMW 5GT or Porsche Panamera. The Panamera will be the best handling. I really like the Tesla Model S too! Those are my top three.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 10:11 |
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Especially if it's a diesel - "... there arose such a clatter..."
![]() 12/23/2014 at 10:11 |
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I think you nailed it with the VelociRaptor.
Or, an Audi Q7 V12 TDI
Yep, this is now my favourite 3 row SUV.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 10:14 |
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All I used to drive were Saabs.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 10:18 |
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right? And I'd imagine his rig would have a reindeer livery instead of Redbull. Maybe even CocaCola if he needs the sponsorship money.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 10:18 |
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![]() 12/23/2014 at 10:26 |
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Probably not quick enough
![]() 12/23/2014 at 10:26 |
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This is a great photo.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 11:49 |
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I was scrolling down to post a unimog, but learned I had lost.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 11:50 |
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Unimog would work, probably a whole lot cheaper than one of these things!
![]() 12/23/2014 at 11:52 |
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I think it's a little too slow though
![]() 12/23/2014 at 11:53 |
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Sherpas need Santa too.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 12:54 |
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One of those rare cars that looks photoshopped even in person.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 12:56 |
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I'll be right back. I'm going to add "people who apply holiday themed decorations to their cars" to my airing of grievances post.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 12:56 |
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![]() 12/23/2014 at 12:57 |
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Really?
![]() 12/23/2014 at 12:58 |
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I will place the over/under on times a Volvo wagon will be suggested at 26.5. What ya got?
![]() 12/23/2014 at 12:58 |
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Probably the Toyota Solara with its fat rear end, especially from behind it.. kinda reminds me of a sleigh for some inexpicable reason
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:01 |
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3 - Huge engine
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:01 |
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![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:02 |
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![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:04 |
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I always picture Santa driving one of these...
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:04 |
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Magnum SRT8
Because 'Mericuh !
If necessary, this will drop right in....
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:06 |
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Elton?
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:07 |
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Agreed, that's pretty stellar. New wallpaper.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:07 |
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Elton Musk? thought it was Elon
Howzabout Steve's old ride? http://oppositelock.jalopnik.com/you-call-that-…
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:07 |
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And it flies! I guess the Reinbull gives it wings...
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:07 |
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Really.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:08 |
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8.1L Suburban, towing a box trailer. Talk about cargo capacity!
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:09 |
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# 10 .... swallows an immense load? Christmas time always brings the childishness out of me
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:10 |
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The one thing missing in all of these is class. Range Rover Autobiography classy plenty of storage roof rack or not.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:10 |
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6x6.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:11 |
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You've got to deliver to about a billion children in one night? You'll need something fast.
What about cargo capacity and/or fuel volume? That part is magic.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:12 |
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What about Walter? Plenty of room for pressies, elves, etc.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:13 |
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Jeep LJ . . . with a few mods of course.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:13 |
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Dang! you beat me to it. Well played!
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:16 |
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I could lend him my new toy.....or perhaps not
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:16 |
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It's a no-brainer. Le Torneau Overland Train
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:17 |
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Quite frankly, it's the only suitable choice.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:20 |
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Hellcat Magnum? Hellcat Magnum...
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:21 |
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The mass production air car. Because much like Santa, it doesn't exist. (yeah, yeah, bah humbug).
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:21 |
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Any rental car. Because rental car.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:26 |
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I don't think I've ever seen a photo of one on the ground. Everything checks out here.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:32 |
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STI hatch
or CTS-V Wagon
!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!
!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:35 |
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As of now, the Volvo wagon is a runner up
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:37 |
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Thanks
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:37 |
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1,600 miles of range, and it will hold a lot of presents. Add trailer for additional presents.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:38 |
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Bust out the breadvan!
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:39 |
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What about the speed ?
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:41 |
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But it would break down all the time.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:42 |
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Power, Storage, Big gas tank. All in one
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:42 |
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This immediately comes to mind for me.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:43 |
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Overlooked that part.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:43 |
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Excuse me?
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:49 |
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/thread.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:51 |
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I would've much rather seen a 71-76 GM wagon in place of the buick roadmaster. Much larger, much cooler. But I'm a derby driver so I'm biased.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:52 |
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Suddenly, my pants feel tighter...
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:53 |
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The panther is the only "reliable" car on this list to begin with. My M62 powered truck is 10yrs old and only major thing to fail was the airbags and that is arnott's fault not BMW, FORD or LR's.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:58 |
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I think the Roadmaster qualifies as reliable as well. It was GM's weak answer to the Panther.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:59 |
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A Lead Sled... in red.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 13:59 |
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Well, I'm sure the moose test is one way to keep those reindeer motivated.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 14:01 |
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LOL good one, well played !
![]() 12/23/2014 at 14:01 |
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There is clearly no other choice
![]() 12/23/2014 at 14:05 |
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I'll push with you on that maybe because I cant even remember the last time i saw one so probably not that reliable. Granted i haven't lived many places those things would be anyway except New England but they were a dime a dozen in New England in their time.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 14:06 |
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A fire truck ? But why
![]() 12/23/2014 at 14:08 |
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Is it the same car as ZZ top ?
![]() 12/23/2014 at 14:11 |
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That's funny. I took that lead photo.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 14:14 |
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Awesome, what's the story ?
I found it on Bing images.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 14:16 |
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71-76 GM wagon
a man after my own heart
But I'm a derby driver
you monster
![]() 12/23/2014 at 14:17 |
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Why did you list the #1 car as the #5 car?
![]() 12/23/2014 at 14:19 |
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Jeep Grand Cherokee EcoDiesel.
Checks all the right boxes:
Range: ~700 highway miles
Power: 240HP, 420 lb.f
Cargo: Big trunk and can tow an extra 7,400 lb
4x4 system for those out of reach kids.
And just look at that gorgeous red paint!
![]() 12/23/2014 at 14:22 |
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I saw the car parked about a block away from where I work. The guy also puts a huge key on the rear like one of those wide-up toys during other times of the year. I took the picture, I think, about 2 years ago and I haven't seen it in awhile, he may have sold it.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 14:23 |
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Excellent review
![]() 12/23/2014 at 14:28 |
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I had no idea Ford made an E-Series with a 6.8L V10. That is amazing.
How in the holy hell did they only get 305 hp and 420 lb-ft out of it, though?
![]() 12/23/2014 at 14:41 |
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Flex EcoBoost...plenty of room, plenty of zoom. It can hold up to six midgets, I mean elves, plus Santa. Even more if you unbolt the center row seats, which takes less than 10 minutes..
![]() 12/23/2014 at 14:41 |
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Also in black it looks like the damn POLAR EXPRESS!
![]() 12/23/2014 at 14:42 |
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420 BLAZE IT
![]() 12/23/2014 at 14:48 |
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Ford made plenty of amazing things !
![]() 12/23/2014 at 14:51 |
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Yea, verily
![]() 12/23/2014 at 14:53 |
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It can fit down the chimney too!
![]() 12/23/2014 at 14:54 |
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I want ups to put these in their fleet so when I get car parts the get here on time and in a stellar way
![]() 12/23/2014 at 14:57 |
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This is the only option.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 14:58 |
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No worries,
Because Aussie Roadtrain.
![]() 12/23/2014 at 14:58 |
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LOL
![]() 12/23/2014 at 14:59 |
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It is objectively the best 3-row SUV.